Dear John,
Sorry I didn’t recognize you when you popped in on Saturday. But I must tell you that from what I had previously heard or read, your visits are supposed to be painless. (I guess that shows what The Internet knows.)
Now that we have had a few more visits and I can recognize you, let’s talk about these little surprise pop-ins.

1. If I am at work and talking to someone about work related topics, please hold off until I am sitting at my desk doing something that isn’t work related- like reading other people’s blogs.


2. If I am sleeping, please wait until after 6 am to drop by. Waking me up at 1 am just ain’t cool. Do you know how hard it is to get comfortable again when the house is about the same temperature as an easy-bake oven and any movement from me makes the dogs think it is time to get up? Plus when my brain reaches conciousness my bladder then sends a Red Alert that I must answer by going to the restroom. So, if you stay away until 6 am, then I have a better chance of getting a restful night of sleep.


3. Let’s keep the visits where you take my breath away to a minimum, please? Pretty please with sugar on top?


4. And don’t freak me out by dropping by more than three times an hour. Anything more than that and I will have to call Dr. G. Again, that just ain’t cool.

Glad to meet you and everything, because it means that my body is getting ready for the big day, but if we follow these few simple rules, our brief relationship will be a happier one.

Always,
mrscrumley & the gummy bear

P.S. Where do you get off getting a pregnancy side effect named after you? Shouldn’t you have named the contractions after the woman who was your patient and you realized what she was describing? It’s not like you would have known what the heck she was going through if she hadn’t been able to assist you.

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